Modern-day hero.

I want to be a modern day hero; what a grandiose claim!

I want the white picket fence, with two lil’ monsters to boot,

I want to be the shoulder to cry on, and the callused hands to rely on,

I want to take on each challenge as a team because two minds are better than one,

I want to be Mr. Dependable and speak only words of support and encouragement,

I want to experience the breadth of human emotion, expressing myself fully,

I want to be the calm within the storm, solid in the face of adversity,

I want to walk an adopted pooch along the beach, fingers interlocked,

I want my words to reflect my inner transparency; honesty is key,

I want my actions to reflect only my principles, even if not in my best interests,

I want to selflessly improve my character, to benefit all those who interact with me,

I want to be a modern-day hero, such a shame that this is considered an ideal,

I dream of the day that the modern-day hero is not but a hero, but all men.

 

Ember.

The life-force that compels me originates from a raging flame nested deep within my heart, and this inferno gives birth to all ideas. I wouldn’t say that they are my ideas, as that would imply that I generated them and this couldn’t be further from the truth. These ideas are born within me as if transposed by another entity or force unknown to me, and then they possess me. The idea sits at the helm of my consciousness, gripping the reins with such intensity, controlling my movements; the idea must be free, it is planning an escape. Against my will, I rise out of bed flicking the light on the way to my computer where I am once again thrown into a familiar throne. My hands dance across the keyboard, my mind blank. No analysis is exerted on these ideas, it acts on pure bodily felt emotion recognised by the idea at the helm; my pre-frontal cortex has lost jurisdiction.

My fingers halt, and I look up and observe the words that the idea possessing me has woven…my master delights.

My eyes open, the idea performs a self-exorcism, and now, I am free.

Within us exists an eternal ember, and to give rise to creativity you must feed the fire and fan the flames.

Feel it deep in your bones, do not criticise. Creativity exists as something new and by definition, new things have no matrix in which to judge and compare it. Creativity is not right or wrong, it just is.

Feel your creative ember burn inside you, you can turn it into an inferno.

Sore thumbs.

I’ve got sore thumbs.

These thumbs have tried to force a triangle through a circle so many times, and these thumbs ache a dull pain. The more I push, the more my thumbs ache, it’s clear that this isn’t working; to relent goes against my nature, a dull ache that I continue to feel.

My thumbs traverse the glass surface in pursuit of my goal, a futile attempt at forcing a triangle through a circle.

You give me sore thumbs.

Ghost.

I’m a dreamer, just of nothing in particular,

I dreamt of backing the home team, your number one fan,

I’ve felt the width of the English channel, a cold embrace,

Hollow words spoken softly, I grew deaf to those,

A frequency never forgotten, a warning sign,

A conditioned response paints a pretty canvas,

Each day holds me like you never used to,

I’m over you.

Ocean blue.

My mental health is a precarious creature, retreating to the shadows as the shadow of stress peers over the horizon, staining the sunset a deep dark blue. They say your mind is like a blue sky, a sky that always exists irrespective of the storm clouds in the sky; travel upward and the blue sky will appear once again. Today my sky is stained a deep dark blue, a colour only fathomable if you were to experience such fathoms down below the ocean view. I look out at my view and all I see is a sky stained a deep dark blue.

What does stress do to you?

It’s alright, I understand.

We live in a world of schedules and deadlines, a fictitious creation of humankind. Each day neatly segmented into minutes and hours, each commitment demanding our attention. Rushing all about do all of us go, throughout the day rushing about here and all over is all that we know. Such an uncommon thing is it to stop and breathe, breathe in the fresh air and feel it brush over your skin. What a rarity awareness has become, replaced with destinations and plans, with each passing day the space for flexibility decreases. Anticipation, impatience and future projection consume our every thought, consuming the entirety of our awareness. Quickly do our weeks begin to fill, filling until they begin to spill up and over the brim! What an interesting thing, to be running out of a fictitious thing, what a time to be alive, what a time to live each passing moment in anticipation for the next; seldom do we feel the present before it quickly metamorphoses into the past, a soon distant memory. Work and health consume much our our time, little space left do we have left for someone from the outside. But I guess that’s where priorities lie and right now I lie on the outside.

WHEN, NOT IF.

Settle noun

Settling for second best.

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In life, too many of us settle. We may believe that we aren’t worthy of somebody who is truly is right for us, physically, emotionally and intellectually. We may believe that the ‘right person’ doesn’t exist, or we may believe that it’s too hard. We may believe that we aren’t worthy of love and then desperately clasp at any opportunity. Maybe we weren’t shown love early in our lives, or maybe we were hurt by somebody, or maybe our arduous life has beaten us down at every turn. I’m here to tell you why you are worthy, why you should value yourself and why, if you don’t settle you will find your match.

For so long I didn’t feel like I had value, and I’d grasp at any opportunity of love, attention and praise; I was hooked on it. During my teenage years, I engaged in irresponsible promiscuity in an attempt to validate myself and my worth. This is a common mistake; to base your self-worth on someone else’s opinion is to have self-worth built on unstable foundations. You may feel really good when somebody that you fictiously value as ‘better’ than you takes a liking to you, however, when you are rejected you may feel unlovable and worthless. You don’t have to be Donald Trump to realise that this is a pretty bad deal that you’ve made with yourself. What if you could base your self-worth on something a little more stable, a bit more imperturbable, and you could ride the waves of acceptance and rejection unscathed…wouldn’t that be swell?

If not others views, what?

Your life has value because you are alive. I’ll say that again…your life has value for the pure and simple fact that you are alive. It is for this reason that we find ourselves feeling such sorrow for those who choose to take their own lives…if only someone could have helped them sooner; they suffered but their lives mattered, they had value. Your value is not based on whether you have a job, whether you look a certain way, where you live, how much money you have or what you can or can’t do. Not convinced? Let me ask you this. Do you value the life of a baby? How about a toddler? What about a pre-schooler? How about a primary aged child? Did you say yes to all of these? What about the life of a teenager? What about a skinny teenager? How about a pimply faced teenager? What about an obese teenager? What about a star pupil? Now, what about an adult? What about your mother? What about you? At what point does a life lose value between infancy to maturity? We value the lives of our the young simply because they are alive. To base your self-worth on external things is fleeting, ever-changing and illogical. Why base your self-worth on something that you can’t control? Base your self-worth on the fact that you are alive.

Moving forward

To settle is to sell yourself short, to deny yourself true happiness. One day someone will appreciate every ounce of you for how it is and not how they want you to be or what you could be, however, this is not to say they shouldn’t encourage you to be the best version of yourself. If you choose to settle, to select a partner that you know to not be a perfect fit, ignoring red-flag after red-flag, you are telling yourself that you are not worthy of a partner that is right for you. To accept the second, third, or fourth best is to devalue yourself in the eyes of yourself. We don’t just settle in relationships, we settle in all aspects of our lives. We don’t push ourselves as hard as we could at the gym for the fear of failure, an omnipresent energy living in your mind, of which you believe will strike you down if you don’t succeed when you try. We don’t push for the top position in our line of work because we don’t think it’s possible, we don’t think we’re good enough. You are good enough, you are worthy of love, and you have value because you are alive.

Don’t settle because one day during this up-hill hike to self-actualisation, you will encounter another travelling soul who resonates deep into every ounce of your being and the two of you will be drawn to eachother with such magnetism, and what an incredible feeling that will be.

It’s when, not if.