WHEN, NOT IF.

Settle noun

Settling for second best.

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In life, too many of us settle. We may believe that we aren’t worthy of somebody who is truly is right for us, physically, emotionally and intellectually. We may believe that the ‘right person’ doesn’t exist, or we may believe that it’s too hard. We may believe that we aren’t worthy of love and then desperately clasp at any opportunity. Maybe we weren’t shown love early in our lives, or maybe we were hurt by somebody, or maybe our arduous life has beaten us down at every turn. I’m here to tell you why you are worthy, why you should value yourself and why, if you don’t settle you will find your match.

For so long I didn’t feel like I had value, and I’d grasp at any opportunity of love, attention and praise; I was hooked on it. During my teenage years, I engaged in irresponsible promiscuity in an attempt to validate myself and my worth. This is a common mistake; to base your self-worth on someone else’s opinion is to have self-worth built on unstable foundations. You may feel really good when somebody that you fictiously value as ‘better’ than you takes a liking to you, however, when you are rejected you may feel unlovable and worthless. You don’t have to be Donald Trump to realise that this is a pretty bad deal that you’ve made with yourself. What if you could base your self-worth on something a little more stable, a bit more imperturbable, and you could ride the waves of acceptance and rejection unscathed…wouldn’t that be swell?

If not others views, what?

Your life has value because you are alive. I’ll say that again…your life has value for the pure and simple fact that you are alive. It is for this reason that we find ourselves feeling such sorrow for those who choose to take their own lives…if only someone could have helped them sooner; they suffered but their lives mattered, they had value. Your value is not based on whether you have a job, whether you look a certain way, where you live, how much money you have or what you can or can’t do. Not convinced? Let me ask you this. Do you value the life of a baby? How about a toddler? What about a pre-schooler? How about a primary aged child? Did you say yes to all of these? What about the life of a teenager? What about a skinny teenager? How about a pimply faced teenager? What about an obese teenager? What about a star pupil? Now, what about an adult? What about your mother? What about you? At what point does a life lose value between infancy to maturity? We value the lives of our the young simply because they are alive. To base your self-worth on external things is fleeting, ever-changing and illogical. Why base your self-worth on something that you can’t control? Base your self-worth on the fact that you are alive.

Moving forward

To settle is to sell yourself short, to deny yourself true happiness. One day someone will appreciate every ounce of you for how it is and not how they want you to be or what you could be, however, this is not to say they shouldn’t encourage you to be the best version of yourself. If you choose to settle, to select a partner that you know to not be a perfect fit, ignoring red-flag after red-flag, you are telling yourself that you are not worthy of a partner that is right for you. To accept the second, third, or fourth best is to devalue yourself in the eyes of yourself. We don’t just settle in relationships, we settle in all aspects of our lives. We don’t push ourselves as hard as we could at the gym for the fear of failure, an omnipresent energy living in your mind, of which you believe will strike you down if you don’t succeed when you try. We don’t push for the top position in our line of work because we don’t think it’s possible, we don’t think we’re good enough. You are good enough, you are worthy of love, and you have value because you are alive.

Don’t settle because one day during this up-hill hike to self-actualisation, you will encounter another travelling soul who resonates deep into every ounce of your being and the two of you will be drawn to eachother with such magnetism, and what an incredible feeling that will be.

It’s when, not if.

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